Self appreciation; The journey towards self reconstruction

~※ Let no one think that flexibility and a predisposition to compromise is a sign of weakness or sell out - Paul Kagame ※~

As I mentioned earlier, you never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice. Self reconstruction is therefore built on this strength. Until you allow your spirit to be lifted, true healing will not come.

There are stages towards healing, and they all start with acceptance. Acceptance, in my view, is as form of being responsible for your actions and decisions.

SELF RESPONSIBILITY

Being responsible for yourself means that there is no route to excuse your decisions or actions. It is by accepting the outcomes that we are able to evaluate and review our actions. .... So I totally screwed up on the test...I will have to accept that I SCREWED up.. then I follow up on how I did it. Did I get distracted from studying? Was I even paying attention to the right material? Or did I exert myself too much that my mind literally went blank on the D-day (it happens..)? If I allow myself to believe that there was no mess, then I lose out on the opportunity to learn from the mistake.

Self responsibility gave me the opportunity to build my self confidence. I was able to accept my role in the events that took place in my life, as well as recognizing what I did not cause. This way, I was better able to understand that what others do to you is THEIR OWN DOING, just as well as MY ACTIONS were my own and blaming others was useless. This meant that I was able to look at myself and FINALLY learn to forgive myself

*(it is impossible to forgive someone who has not accepted responsibility of their actions, therefore, you cannot forgive yourself if you have not accepted responsibility)*

Forgiving myself allowed me to finally silence the voices in my head that would constantly criticize me. I would think, " Njeri, you messed up. That is done, but you can do better..." and such thoughts would give me a kind of courage I initially had found alien. Even if I messed up again, I would finally LEARN from the mistake, unlike before where my failures would crush me. This led me to the path of self reconstruction, which is an ongoing job.

self responsibility = self awareness + self forgiveness + self reconstruction.

Once the reconstruction starts, you will finally learn to treat yourself with kindness. This kindness will inevitably spill over to the people around you. It is known that most cruel people are usually burdened with intense suffering of their own. It is hard to find a kind person who mistreats their own spirit.

I cannot emphasize enough on the self-love factor. You can have it all, but as long as you don't think you deserve it, then it cannot serve you. Even if everyone around you empathises with your situation, their support cannot serve you if you cannot embrace it first. It's like Sir Richard Branson surprising you with a sponsorship for ANY dream you have, yet you have no dream project at all! Even if he left the money in your account, it can never fulfill you. But then, if you have a goal that is driving you, you will appreciate whatever sources of income you can access at the time even though the pay cannot match Sir Branson's by five hundred miles.

Faith helps us move even when we feel too weak to do so. But at times, things may not go our way. The misfortunes that can befall us will befall us. But that is no reason to stop believing. As long as there is breath, faith will exist. As long as we are alive, the spark will always be there, and it will ignite when we need it the most but least expect it. It is that same spark that will ignite the fire in someone else who is dying.

A good analogy is the matchstick and candle story. Unless the matchstick is ignited, it can never light the candle, hence the potential of both the match and candle are not realized. Through friction, the match ignites, and thus passes its energy onto the candle. It is through our experiences in life that we are ignited and lit, and in the process, we pass on the energy to those around us. A single matchstick can light up ten large scented candles; a single experience in your life is hence able to change the lives of ten very influential people around you. 

But as I said, UNLESS YOU EMBRACE YOUR STRENGTH, chances of discovering this potential is close to none. Just like with salvation, you will have to CONFESS and DECLARE then you will REALIZE.

Self reconstruction will only end the day we die. It is an ongoing job and it is as constant as change. But it is one of the essentials in life, for to grow, we must change. To change, we will rebuild and reconstruct.

***This is Serenity!!!***

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**ONE STEP AT A TIME**
** Love yourself well: Self promotion **
**When lending a helping hand.. **
** Grief: coping, exploring and dealing**